From personal experience and the experience of people close to me, at the point of time and at the place in my life when I was pondering how to stop my divorce, I was miserable, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I was on the verge of giving up, I hated myself and I even considered suicide.
It looked as if everything I tried to salvage the marriage and stop my divorce not only did not work but failed miserably. I was pretty sure nothing else could be done to stop my divorce. And then, I realized what my husband and I were doing wrong — we were trying to save the marriage instead of deciding to save it. Is there a difference? Let me tell you there is.
This is the thing about the human mind and how it attributes significance in the words you say and think in your mind. When you use the word “try”, your brain will unconsciously decide whatever effort is put in may or may not need to result in a desired outcome. After all, you only want to “try” right?
On the other hand, when I “decide” or “ensure” or “believe” that I “will” save my marriage and stop my divorce biggercity dating site, that’s exactly what my mind, heart, soul, entire being will work towards. I completely under-estimated what a difference this can make in my efforts to stop my divorce.
Think about it for a second. It’s very true. When you decide you love someone, your entire being is geared to being with that person, doing whatever in your power to make him or her happy, and want to spend their life with you too.
The key here is “to decide”. Once you and your husband or wife decide you want to save the marriage and avoid divorce, you are setting yourself up for success.
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If you are asking “how do I save a failing marriage when my wife wants a divorce,” then you about to tell you. I’ll share with you my personal experience after having been in a very similar situation to what you are experiencing now. Hopefully, I can spare you some of the disappointment and pain I went through and help set you on the right course by explaining what you must do.
Have you heard the saying that “love is a decision”?
I could not imagine what you are feeling right now unless I had been through it myself! It’s hard to describe isn’t it? I felt kind of like I was punched in the stomach and knifed in the back at the same time. It was a combination of pain and having the wind sucked out of me all at once. And the way I was left feeling when my wife told me she wanted a divorce made me unable to make rational and calm decisions and uncertain of what to do.
At a time like this you will need to do several things. And if you’ve never been through something like this before, these things might not seem apparent to you. They definitely were not apparent to me! But here is what I learned after much pain and heartache which nearly cost me my marriage. First I was not in an emotional state to make the necessary steps in a calm and rational way. So the first thing I had to learn how to do was to get out of my negative emotional state and put myself in a more resourceful state. The approach I learned will teach you how to do that!