I have forgotten that wave of women (and some men) who have flooded the BDSM world after reading FSOG believing that some rich guy is going to fuck his way into their lives and shower them with love as long as they’re good “subs“
So that sums up the update. I missed journaling. I missed writing but with this feeling of finally finding my home and my place at my Masters side I don’t have all the mundane thoughts floating in my head, instead it is I that is floating happily for the first time in my life and I have no intentions of ever coming down……
A now-former co-worker messaged me today just to see how I was doing since i’ve been out. Between the light chatter the conversation flowed freely as he’s well aware of my BDSM lifestyle. He then asked a loaded question: “How long are you gonna live out this phase?“
Granted mainstream society is still not used to this norm, and 99% only ever see the sexual part of it but I am proud of myself
I was pretty stunned and speechless. What the hell does he mean “phase” ?! Then it dawned on me and another lightbulb turned on in my mind. I’m sorry I don’t see how that is possible let alone realistic. For as long as I can remember I’ve always had submissive tendencies in my personality and thought process. The need to fulfill. The need to put others before me. The need to achieve approval and the feeling of distraught when those needs aren’t met. I take my submission very seriously because ever since I really embraced this part of me when I realized my role in this lifestyle I have become more and more secure with myself, who I am and truly holding my head high. For a woman who never felt apart of anything greater than herself it is truly a life changing experience. Granted I am still new, still evolving and still learning. I won’t ever try to “out App wie pof kink” anyone because I am not in competition with anyone else but myself and I seek no one else’s approval but that of my owner. I want to constantly improve. I want to become more and more obedient so that I always know what is expected of me His submissive and His pet. Submission isn’t about rolling over like some mindless slut who never questions anyone’s intentions. Everyone has a different perception on it and feelings towards it. It’s not for everyone and again I will never judge another’s dynamic because like fingerprints no 2 D/s dynamics are ever the same. The phrase that is common within the lifestyle is “My kink is not your kink” I believe it. I know some submissives who are so incredibly inspiring and brilliant and just amazing to observe and learn from. I also know a few others who feel they are so fantastic that they will always out-sub/slave you. In reality I only want to become the best submissive I can for my owner. I want him to WANT to be seen with me, that the leash I am connected to whether it be a real or invisible one, will be held with pride. That my ownership and submission will be seen with awe as my dedication can be noticed from a distance. I want to be as obedient as possible and to fulfill both of our needs on a daily basis.
Someday I’d like to “come out” to my mother. I don’t know how or if she’d ever really take me seriously. My father would lose his marbles but my mother I feel would be a little more accepting. I am a proud submissive.