There you are, tumbling through the front door with your date like a scene out of a romantic comedy. It’s pretty obvious you’re about to hook up for the first time, and you feel all types of ways. Nervous? Yes. Excited? Of course. But you might also be worried about making some kind of “mistake.”
While not everyone gets nervous when they’re with someone new, it is totally normal to feel a bit self-conscious or awkward, or to wonder what’s “OK” and what isn’t. As sex and relationship therapist Courtney Geter, LMFT, tells Bustle, “These feelings can be triggered by thoughts about your sexual performance, body image issues, and comparing yourself to this person’s other partners or hookups.” The nerve-racking list is endless, really. But it doesn’t mean you have to have a bad time.
However you define “hook up” — a one night stand, the first time you have sex with a partner-to-be, etc. — it should be as fun and healthy an experience as possible. So, here are some common mistakes everyone makes when doing the deed. Avoid them, and you should have yourself one heck of a time.
1. Not Stopping To Talk About Your Likes & Dislikes
While it may be momentarily awkward, don’t be afraid to wax poetic about your thoughts and desires before you have sex. And don’t feel weird about asking your partner what they like, either.
This might mean pausing for a brief moment to be honest about what you’re looking for, and you can certainly make it a part of the sexy conversation you have whilst tumbling into bed, as a way to make it easier.
But if you do hesitate, keep in mind that sharing what you enjoy will help to ensure you both have a good time, relationship expert David Bennett tells Bustle, which can definitely serve as motivation.
2. Never Speaking Up During Sex
You might also find it tricky to share your thoughts during sex. And that makes a lot of sense. Lots of folks worry about “ruining the mood.” or being too honest with a somebody new. But it’s still so important.
Whether it’s before sex or during, if something pops into your mind that feels worth sharing, let it be known. “Sex is meant to feel good and enjoyable,” Greter says. So you may want to direct them to what feels good, or offer a few ideas.
Speaking up becomes particularly crucial, though, if something is making you uncomfortable. By not pointing it out or letting them know https://hookupdate.net/amolatina-review/, you won’t have the experience you’re looking for.
3. Going In With Unclear Expectations
If you’re invested in this person and would like to see the relationship go somewhere, relationship expert Kailen Rosenberg tells Bustle, it’ll be even more important to check in with yourself beforehand, lest anyone’s feelings get hurt.
While you don’t have to map out the entire relationship’s future before hooking up, you might take a quick moment to get on the same page, and ensure you’re both thinking (roughly) the same thing.
Is this just going to be a fun experience for the night, or are you looking for a long-term partner? If it’s weighing heavy on your mind, let them know.
4. Caring Too Much About Being “Good”
While everyone wants to be “good in bed,” a healthy and exciting hook up is so not about that. In fact, the moment you can let it all go and have fun, the better. After all, “nobody is supposed to know anybody’s body yet,” psychoanalyst Dr. Claudia Luiz, tells Bustle. “If it isn’t a little awkward, something’s wrong.”